Ryan Belleville

Leaving LA

2009-07-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ive been slow to post lately, and for the one or two people who read this from time to time by accident when surfing for porn shot in the town of Belleville I apologize.

Life has been crazy as I am leaving Los Angeles for a while, and I've been trying to sell off all my possessions that don't fit into a storage locker or my car. Got some work in Toronto between now and January, so I figured I should head back and be with family. No point in renting my apartment any longer as we've been planing on leaving this house for a while.

What is in store for Ryan? I don't know, but it does kind of feel like a new chapter in life, and I am very excited to hit up my ol stomping ground of Toronto once again. I'll be skulking at the back of shows like Spirits and the alt.dot for the next few months. I'm also going on tour from September till November in Western Canada, and will post the dates as soon as I know.

www.ryanbelleville.com is down for the moment. I had a problem with my host, and decided to start over from the ground up, so it should be back up and running in a couple of months. Until then look for tour dates at myspace.com/ryanbelleville

Really? Myspace? What are you Amish? Sadly Myspace is still much better then facebook for listing videos and tour dates, so if you aren't above slumming it on myspace check it out.

In the mean time I am growing some facial hair for the road trip, in an attempt to look manly. Sadly it just looks mostly like I should be on a sex offenders watch list.

Jim Jefferies - HBO I swear to God.

2009-05-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

Just a little comedy plug!

I first saw this comic a couple years back at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal. I caught him on the Nasty Show at Club Soda, and it he was great. I love a "dirty comic", but the best ones are the ones who serve it up with a bit of truth and honesty. Never taking themselves too serious, and always putting there own ego on the line for the sake of a laugh. It's also refreshing to see the UK style in America. There is a theatricality to performers over the pond that comes from all the Theatre Performances, unlike in America where most of us spend the majority of our time performing in comedy clubs.

Check out his special which you can catch this month, on HBO and On Demand, or next Month in Chicago at the new JFL comedy festival.

Swine Flu

2009-05-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

The worst time for a pork based flu to break out is during flu season. Everyone is sick, and everyone is sure that they have the swine flu. You don't have it! You didn't have Bird flu, and you didn't have SARS, and now you DO NOT have swine flu!

That being said I have a little tickle at the back of my throat and I'm pretty sure it is Swine Flu.

I have the weekend off in Halifax, and Jason is coming out so The Flying Bellevilles shall take to the streets!

Halifax - Picnicface and giant beer

2009-04-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well the first stint in Halifax is done and we are hitting the Road soon. I just wanted to pop on and say how much I enjoy this city. I don't even think you can by a coffee in this city after 6pm, so you find yourself perpetually stumbly due to the constant assault of beer. Note the giant beer photo here.
Picnicface is a great Halifax based sketch group, (Check out their youtube vids), that also run a fun stand-up show every Tuesday at Yuk Yuks, and they were kind enough to let me do 20mins last night. It is a fun alternative comedy show, with people trying something a little different which I always love. If you live in the 'fax and you are looking for something fun to do on a Tuesday then check out Picnicface @ Yuks. www.picnicface.com

Gerry Dee is also performing at Yuks in Halifax this weekend, and I recommend you all run out to get tickets for his show. He's hella funny, as is the gentleman opening for him Stephen Patterson.

Let the travels begin!

2009-04-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

I saw this in the airport, and it made me laugh. In the Future cops will ride these in an attempt to be slower and slightly gayer!

Well today I left Los Angeles for the last time in my twenties. That's right. When I return home roughly 14 days from now I will be in my (Gulp) 30's! I can already sense my hearing diminishing, and my penis becoming consistently more fl acid!

I will however have my lovely shows to keep me busy :) I begin a two week tour or the Maritimes for Investors Group. Its this fun gig, where I get to perform in swank theatres with two other great comics, while drinking beer with the always charming east coasters. I will try and keep this up dated for the trip, and I've learned how to do this bloggity thing from the ol'blackberry. I've got a sweet 3.2 mgp camera on my curve phone which shall cause me to bore you with random things I see. P.S. any RIM execs out there. I made the switch from Iphone to Blackberry to support a cool Canadian company. I've been in movies and on TV. How's about some swag? What's that you say? Cancelled tv shows, and mediocre movies don't count? Soon RIM. SOON! Wait till you see my new show "Bowling with the Amish"*. Then I'll see that new Blackberry Storm in the mail.

*Bowling with the Amish not actual show. Unless there is an exec out there who wants to make it in which case, lets make a deal

I am currently in the airport lounge in Toronto eating soup and debating if I should drink beer. I love free beer, but I don't really like to drink when I fly. It is a tough debate, that beer shall probably win.

If a million monkeys twittered long enough would they write Hamlet?

2009-04-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

You know the old saying. If you locked a million monkeys to a million typewriters long enough they would eventually type Shakespeare's classic play "Hamlet"?

Of course this is only to illustrate that in an infinite amount of time, anything and everything actually will occur. In truth this point is undermined by the fact that they are using monkeys in their example, when everyone knows the mind wanders instantly at the mention of a chimp, simian, or ape. I mean a MILLION MONKEYS! They would get nothing achieved other then the greatest feces/ masturbation party of all times!

But lets assume that given long enough they monkeys would tire out from the constant copulation in their kingdom of typewriters and actually decided to master written word, how would that affect the question you posed about twitter? If a million monkeys twittered long enough would they eventually type Hamlet? The answer is no, because it is actually impossible to communicate anything with the program Twitter.

It is a pointless, pointless program. I have yet to hear a single argument that has actually brought me on board with it. "But Ryan, it is actually for news companies!". Bullshit. Reporters jobs are to tell stories, that have been researched, and have facts. Not just. "Pirates attack ship", or "Paris Hilton launches new fragrance in New York". These aren't stories. They are headlines. You read a headline and then decide if you want to read more. The last thing the press needs is yet another excuse to be more lazy, and do less research.

Also if Ashton Kutcher is the first person to get a million fans on Twitter, beating out CNN, doesn't that sort of invalidate any legitimacy twitter had. I, on princable try to avoid anything that Ashton endorses. Case in point, I never bought that camera he was selling, and I've never had sex with Demi Moore.

Some people might say "Ryan, you are just jealous that you only have like 8 followers on twitter". I would admit that it hurts to have so few, if only I could understand what I am actually getting twitter then I would perhaps put more effort in. Right when I started to get multiple thousands of followers on Myspace, everyone jumped to Facebook. Now that I've broken 1000 on Facebook it is starting to steer to twitter. Enough! Why do we keep jumping ship to sites that do more or less the same thing, and sometimes do it worse? All you are doing is adding the same people you had in Myspace and Facebook, minus the ones who were smart enough to see this cycle early on and stayed put. (Not friendster. That site sucked donkey dick!!)

I am cyber pooped! Between my computer and my Blackberry I am constantly doing status updates on facebook, tweeting on twitter, and checking to see if anyone wrote anything interesting on myspace (they haven't).

So I'll keep tweeting because apparently I have to, but I will NOT like it. Don't abandon Facebook yet friends. I'm actually thinking about going back to Myspace. You remember it right? It was exactly like facebook, but you could change the layout. I miss my bikini clad spam telling me they were my fan, only to try and sell me on their T-shirt company. Sigh.

Maybe I'll make twitter only for Haiku's.

HOTTTTT in LA

2009-04-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

April 19th and it is hotter then Satans Ball sack! 100F are you kidding me. There is nothing for me to do, but lay on the couch sipping a slurpee, and dreaming of the days I my crotch wasn't so damp. Moist to a point that ducks are trying to land on my chota!

Damn you Steve Jobs! DAMN YOU!

2009-04-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

I love mac. They mac outstanding products, (albeit expensive) and it's all just so cool! Without Apple there would be no, ipod, no firewire, no final cut pro! That being said, I've begun the slow weaning off of the all mac all the time. I will still remain a dedicated fan of the sweet fruit that knocked Newton on the head, and the computer line named after it, however I will no longer be an "Only Mac Guy"

I find if you have everything under one roof it is easier in some ways, but you are bound to the whim of who ever owns said roof. Recently I gave up my iphone for a new blackberry 8900. Both are great phones, but I hated having to be with ATT. WAY too expensive. Also only 3 months after I got the iphone there was a new one that was even better. I didn't even own the coolest phone, which is a big part of the iphone appeal! When I should have been getting greed stares from envious people, I was getting pity stares for having the "Old" iphone! Damn LA hipsters! Fuck you and your pity, and your tasty espresso and your pink berry you... you hipsters! (Sigh)

I also went through three iphones. First one didn't work out of the box. Fine. That is the price you sometimes pay to get something new and cool. Second one fell from 2 feet and the screen smashed. It cost me 200 to replace it! Finally I just got sick of AT&T and switched back to T-Mobile for WAY less money. Also my little Blackberry is super cool, and does pretty much everything my iphone did, AND it is a Canadian company! YEAH! Go RIM!

I didn't hate my iphone. I'll probably get one of the later models that come out, and I did Unlock my old one and give it to Jenn. I just like supporting the competition sometimes, because it helps keep everyone working harder to make the best product. I no longer buy itunes music if I can help it because Amazon is cheeper and there is all DMR.

The biggest piss off came from mac announcing that they will no longer be running the iweb. This is a huge pain, because I have my website hosted with them and they are discontinuing it as of July. I paid till next year! WTF.

Suck it Steve Jobbs! Suck it hard! That being said, I still love you guys, and if Justin Long ever has.... and accident, I will gladly step in and take over his gig.

If anyone is a good web-designer hit me up. hello@ryanbelleville.com

Buffy, you sassy girl.

2009-04-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hulu is a dangerous thing. They put the first 3 seasons of Buffy up for free viewing. Thank you Joss for making this sad little hotel a little better.

Am I a nerd. No, but I have an empty cheeto pack next to me

WOW hard to blog :)

2009-04-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

It isn't that I've been super lazy (which I have). It is only that I forgot how to get onto my account, and It took me months to finally get back on. Loads has happend since I was last here, but I'll just tell you what I've been doing today.

I am in Livonia, MI doing shows at Joey's comedy club this week. I am kind of stuck out in the boondocks of outer Detroit, but it is worth it due to how appreciative the crowds are here. When times are tough, people need laughter more.

Big Shout out to Alan Maxwell who Drove 2hours to catch the show, after seeing me in Grand Rapids a couple of months back.

I recommend that everyone go to ABC.com and watch the first three episodes of Better Of Ted. The creator of this show gave me my first big break, and he has put this really funny show out, so watch it!

That is all for now. I promise that I will be posting here as often as I can now that all is fixed!

OH! And I'm doing a huge East Coast Maritime Canadian tour with Investors Group starting in April. Can't wait

R

Detroit – Motor City.

2008-08-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my last night at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. The shows have been fun, although summer is the worst time around here for shows. Any place that has shorter summers, is hard to fill a club during the precious sun filled days.

I can’t blame them. I’d also rather be sitting on a patio drinking a beer, or sucking back burgers and steak at the BBQ.

That being said, we have still been getting enough of a turn out to have a good shows.

Can’t wait to get home, although I’m not sure why. Jenn is out of town for the next couple of weeks editing a movie in Vancouver, so it shall be just me and the dogs. Sadly there isn’t a lot going on in LA at the moment, what with possible strikes (see previous posts).

Just found out that I’m going to the Vancouver Comedy Festival in September, which should be a blast. Stellar line-up, in a fun city! Sadly that means I have had to cancel my date in Grand Rapids MI at Dr. Grins, but rest assured I will return soon. Even though I don’t live in Canada anymore, I always feel a little energized when I spend a couple days in the ol Motherland. Luckily there is a Tim Horton’s here in Ann Arbor MI, so I’m getting a little dose of home. It’s funny because all the coffee sizes are larger here. Just a testament to the American idea that bigger IS ALWAYS BETTER.

SAG- WTF!

2008-08-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

What the hell is going on with SAG?! I am a very patent, pro-union guy, but this is taking for ever. Our contract expired ages ago, and now all I know is that we are waiting to hear an out come as production once again dries up in LA. We wait, and wait, and I don't even know what we are waiting for. I know that there hasn't been a strike vote yet, which is a good sign, but I have not heard anything that makes me believe that there isn't going to be one.

The saddest thing about Labour deputes in LA is the ramifications of even MORE unemployed actors then usual. In a steel town, or factory town when the workers strike/lock out they split their time picketing and drinking at the bar. We spend our time sitting around Starbucks telling people how "the strike wont really affect me, because I have a lot going on right now.", and "I'm glad I get a break from work because I can finally finish that screenplay I've been working on.

If I have to hear one more actor justifying his 3 hours a day he spends in the coffee shop, with some talk of what a big deal he/she is, I will scald them with their own Carmel macchiato. I will also video tape it, and put it on youtube, knowing that I will never have to pay them residuals.

Sorry. I'm lashing out at the wrong people, but this whole situation is a joke. At least I can always fall back on telling chota jokes at some of Americas finest comedy clubs.

My Review of Reviewers

2008-07-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

So like many of you wonderful filmophiles out there I see as many things as I can on the big screen. The moment my soft tushie hits that seat and sees the first preview I sigh to myself as I'm off to that dreamy land of escapism that even visa bills can't penetrate.

That being said I read many reviews of movies. Nothing is worse then spending 14 dollars on a movie so bad that calling it a "piece of shit" would be an insult to pieces of shit (see: In the Name of the King). I even like to read reviews about movies I already know I'll enjoy like, Ironman, Batman, and anything involving Hobbits. It reaffirms what you already know. YOURE GONNA LOVE THIS. It's like when someone serves you a remarkable mouth watering steak, but before you take a bit they tell you "It's really good". For me this in no way raises my expectations, but instead puts me in the mindset to really tuck into some good times.

Here is the paradox. Although I love reviews, I HATE many reviewers. Let me extrapolate lest I offend. Not all of the fine keyboard wizards are that bad. I'm sure some are nice people, and many of them are of the same opinion as I am on most films. Some are I wouldn't cross the street to poke in the neck, like the guy who starts a review for a Will Ferrel with something like "Now I've never liked Will Ferrel, and this movie was no exception". Then why the fuck did they send you to review this movie? I love Will Ferrel, and yes some of his movies are bad, but only a person with the IQ of a boil bag of Turkey poo would hold it to the same standard as a Dramatic movie like "Atonement". (Which was a terrible movie. I didn't laugh once!)

Again, this reviewer who is the pinnacle of douchebaggary, is in the minority, and I even suppose even his reviews serve a purpose out there: Lining Bird cages, hobo blankets, etc.

My main problem is with the FORMAT of movie reviews. What do we want when we look at a review? Is the movie good, or bad? Did you have fun? What is the genre? How was the acting? THATS IT! What we don't want is a NARRATIVE RECAP! Almost all reviews follow this format:

Title aka shitty pun like: "THE JOKER IS DRIVING MOVIE FANS BATTY”.

Next, one ore two sentences about the movie: " In the world of comic books, no character has been locked in our imaginations like Batman”, Then they give you a total synopsis of the movie: "The movie starts and Bruce Wayne is oiling his balls when suddenly he punches a bad guy... etc."

Finally they end with a brief actual review: "I enjoyed this move... THE END".

To any movie fan there is nothing worse then the infamous SPOILER. Receiving an unintended spoiler is like an unwelcome fondle of the testicles by a camp counselor. It's not what we signed up for! I don't NEED to know the plot of the movie. THAT IS WHY I GO TO THE MOVIE IN THE FIRST PLACE! These film hacks are so lazy, that after they get to go to their FREE movie, they write a 2 sentence review, then fill there word quota by downloading a wikipedia page and using it as 90% of the review. If I had a friend who asked me, "How was that movie?" and I responded with "Well it opens with a murder, and Shea Labouff is the Murderer, but you don't find that out till the end...It was pretty good". My friend would be in his rights to step on my left nutt with golf cleats. PLEASE REVIEWERS, TRY AND DO JUSTICE TO US FANS.

2006-04-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

P.J.'s all day!

2006-04-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

It's noon and as is sit here still in my P.J's I can't help but think, "Fuck my job is good". It is a true joy to make your own hours, and do what you want to, when you want to. The down side is it can be hard to motivate yourself into doing anything productive. IE: I am a crack shot on Halo, but I have yet to finish my taxes.

Next week I fly to Montreal to do some shows at the Comedy works, which is my favorite club in Canada. A lot of it has to do with the fact that it is in my favorite city in Canada. Ah, Montreal. French girls, poutine, and smoking. Who could ask for more. The only down side to all the travel I'm doing this month is having to leave my lovely lady Jenn behind. She has the constraints of having a 9-5 job that you can't just run away from at a moments notice. She needs to find a job like mine, where you can just up and take off for a week without getting fired. I'm thinking super hero. How cool would it to know your getting some from a super hero.

Welcome to my new blog!

2006-04-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

My Name is Ryan Belleville and this is the page where you can find out all the sticky things that go on in my mind. I was born May 8th 1979, and I am a stand-up comic who was born in Canada, but now make my home in the land of boobies, and movie stars, Los Angeles. Up untill now I've been posting my blog on Myspace, but I'm a little sick of that place. Who really cares how many 'cyber friends' you get. You can still check out Myspace if you like, but I will try to make this page more in depth about my life and my travels.

I hope you enjoy.

Ryan Belleville