Leaving LA

Ive been slow to post lately, and for the one or two people who read this from time to time by accident when surfing for porn shot in the town of Belleville I apologize. 

Life has been crazy as I am leaving Los Angeles for a while, and I've been trying to sell off all my possessions  that don't fit into a storage locker or my car.  Got some work in Toronto between now and January, so I figured I should head back and be with family.  No point in renting my apartment any longer as we've been planing on leaving this house for a while.  

What is in store for Ryan?  I don't know, but it does kind of feel like a new chapter in life, and I am very excited to hit up my ol stomping ground of Toronto once again.  I'll be skulking at the back of shows like Spirits and the alt.dot for the next few months.    I'm also going on tour from September till November in Western Canada, and will post the dates as soon as I know.

www.ryanbelleville.com is down for the moment.  I had a problem with my host, and decided to start over from the ground up, so it should be back up and running in a couple of months.  Until then look for tour dates at myspace.com/ryanbelleville

Really?  Myspace?  What are you Amish?  Sadly Myspace is still much better then facebook for listing videos and tour dates, so if you aren't above slumming it on myspace check it out.  

In the mean time I am growing some facial hair for the road trip, in an attempt to look manly.  Sadly it just looks mostly like I should be on a sex offenders watch list.

Jim Jefferies - HBO I swear to God.

Just a little comedy plug!

I first saw this comic a couple years back at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal.  I caught him on the Nasty Show at Club Soda, and it he was great.  I love a "dirty comic", but the best ones are the ones who serve it up with a bit of truth and honesty.  Never taking themselves too serious, and always putting there own ego on the line for the sake of a laugh.  It's also refreshing to see the UK style in America.  There is a theatricality to performers over the pond that comes from all the Theatre Performances, unlike in America where most of us spend the majority of our time performing in  comedy clubs.

Check out his  special which you can catch this month, on HBO and On Demand, or next Month in Chicago at the new JFL comedy festival. 

Swine Flu

The worst time for a pork based flu to break out is during flu season.  Everyone  is sick, and everyone is sure that they have the swine flu.   You don't have it!  You didn't have Bird flu, and you didn't have SARS, and now you DO NOT have swine flu!

That being said I have a little tickle at the back of my throat and I'm pretty sure it is Swine Flu.

I have the weekend off in Halifax, and Jason is coming out so The Flying Bellevilles shall take to the streets!

Halifax - Picnicface and giant beer

Well the first stint in Halifax is done and we are hitting the Road soon.  I just wanted to pop on and say how much I enjoy this city.   I don't even think you can by a coffee in this city after 6pm, so you find yourself perpetually stumbly due to the constant assault of beer.  Note the giant beer photo here. Picnicface is a great Halifax based sketch group, (Check out their youtube vids), that also run a fun stand-up show every Tuesday at Yuk Yuks, and they were kind enough to let me do 20mins last night.  It is a fun alternative comedy show, with people trying something a little different which I always love. If you live in the 'fax and you are looking for something fun to do on a Tuesday then check out Picnicface @ Yuks.      www.picnicface.com Gerry Dee is also performing at Yuks in Halifax this weekend, and I recommend you all run out to get tickets for his show.  He's hella funny, as is the gentleman opening for him Stephen Patterson.

Let the travels begin!

I saw this in the airport, and it made me laugh.  In the Future cops will ride these in an attempt to be slower and slightly gayer!

Well today I left Los Angeles for the last time in my twenties.  That's right.  When I return home roughly 14 days from now I will be in my (Gulp) 30's!   I can already sense my hearing diminishing, and my penis becoming consistently more fl acid!  

I will however have my lovely shows to keep me busy :)  I begin a two week tour or the Maritimes for Investors Group.  Its this fun gig, where I get to perform in swank theatres with two other great comics, while drinking beer with the always charming east coasters.  I will try and keep this up dated for the trip, and I've learned how to do this bloggity thing from the ol'blackberry.  I've got a sweet 3.2 mgp camera on my curve phone which shall cause me to bore you with random things I see.  P.S. any RIM execs out there.  I made the switch from Iphone to Blackberry to support a cool Canadian company.  I've been in movies and on TV.  How's about some swag?  What's that you say?  Cancelled tv shows, and mediocre movies don't count?  Soon RIM.  SOON!  Wait till you see my new show "Bowling with the Amish"*.  Then I'll see that new Blackberry Storm in the mail.

*Bowling with the Amish not actual show.  Unless there is an exec out there who wants to make it in which case, lets make a deal

I am currently in the airport lounge in Toronto eating soup and debating if I should drink beer. I love free beer, but I don't really like to drink when I fly.  It is a tough debate, that beer shall probably win.  

If a million monkeys twittered long enough would they write Hamlet?

You know the old saying.  If you locked a million monkeys to a million typewriters long enough they would eventually type Shakespeare's classic play "Hamlet"?

Of course this is only to illustrate that in an infinite amount of time, anything and everything actually will occur.    In truth this point is undermined by the fact that they are using monkeys in their example, when everyone knows the mind wanders instantly at the mention of a chimp, simian, or ape.   I mean a MILLION MONKEYS!   They would get nothing achieved other then the greatest feces/ masturbation party of all times!

But lets assume that given long enough they monkeys would tire out from the constant copulation in their kingdom of typewriters and actually decided to master written word, how would that affect the question you posed about twitter?  If a million monkeys twittered long enough would they eventually type Hamlet?  The answer is no, because it is actually impossible to communicate anything with the program Twitter.

It is a pointless, pointless program.  I have yet to hear a single argument that has actually brought me on board with it.  "But Ryan, it is actually for news companies!".  Bullshit.  Reporters jobs are to tell stories, that have been researched, and have facts.  Not just.  "Pirates attack ship", or "Paris Hilton launches new fragrance in New York".  These aren't stories.  They are headlines.  You read a headline and then decide if  you want to read more.  The last thing the press needs is yet another excuse to be more lazy, and do less research.  

Also if Ashton Kutcher is the first person to get a million fans on Twitter, beating out CNN, doesn't that sort of invalidate any legitimacy twitter had.  I, on princable try to avoid anything that Ashton endorses.  Case in point, I never bought that camera he was selling, and I've never had sex with Demi Moore.  

Some people might say "Ryan, you are just jealous that you only have like 8 followers on twitter".  I would admit that it hurts to have so few, if only I could understand what I am actually getting twitter then I would perhaps put more effort in.  Right when I started to get multiple thousands of followers on Myspace, everyone jumped to Facebook.  Now that I've broken 1000 on Facebook it is starting to steer to twitter.  Enough!    Why do we keep jumping ship to sites that do more or less the same thing, and sometimes do it worse?  All you are doing is adding the same people you had in Myspace and Facebook, minus the ones who were smart enough to see this cycle early on and stayed put.  (Not friendster.  That site sucked donkey dick!!)

I am cyber pooped!  Between my computer and my Blackberry I am constantly doing status updates on facebook, tweeting on twitter, and checking to see if anyone wrote anything interesting on myspace (they haven't).  

So I'll keep tweeting because apparently I have to, but I will NOT like it.  Don't abandon Facebook yet friends.  I'm actually thinking about going back to Myspace.  You remember it right?  It was exactly like  facebook, but you could change the layout.  I miss my bikini clad spam telling me they were my fan, only to try and sell me on their T-shirt company.  Sigh.

Maybe I'll make twitter only for Haiku's.

HOTTTTT in LA

April 19th and it is hotter then Satans Ball sack!  100F  are you kidding me.  There is nothing for me to do, but lay on the couch sipping a slurpee, and dreaming of the days I my crotch wasn't so damp.  Moist to a point that ducks are trying to land on my chota!